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Weird Dreams & Health Update

April 3rd, 2020 No comments

The entire time I’ve been sick I haven’t really dreamed about what has been going on, that I can remember anyway. However, in the past week I’ve had two dreams about COVID-19, both involving me having to go out in public and people not respecting social distancing.

The first dream also had me visiting my grandmother, who passed away in 2003, right after being out in public which was disturbing because I can’t remember having dreamt of her much, if at all, over the years as much as I would have liked and then the one time I do I’m risking her health in the dream? Talk about cruel! The second dream involved me going to Michael’s craft store during this pandemic which for all sorts of reasons doesn’t make sense. Then when I left the store my car was gone because someone stole it. Apparently I had a way to track it via GPS built into the key fob, though. Dreams are so strange!

In other news, I wanted to document that there are certain things that have gotten better. Namely, the pain in my arms at night isn’t as intense or radiating all down my arms and up my head like before. Also, I am not super fatigued or suffering from brain fog. My main issues now are jaw and ear related. My jaw just feels tight, sometimes slightly sore, and my bite is weird. Wearing any of my mouth guards doesn’t really help, though, and seems to encourage me to clench more at night. The main tinnitus sound is less bothersome but the weird siren-like sound can be really annoying when playing off other sounds, or when I’m trying to sleep. Plus the inside of my ears keep fluttering to certain stimuli which is extremely uncomfortable. I have to speak softly to avoid triggering the right ear and the left one is still being set off by certain noises, particularly if they originate from my right. If I turn my head toward the sound, or get close to it, the ear doesn’t vibrate. I don’t understand ANY of it, but I hope it goes away as I start taking herbs for Lyme disease. I had a more sensitive test done and it came up “negative” but with two positive bands which means my body recognizes it. Since I have no other explanation for all this craziness I’m pursing Lyme now.

Categories: Health Tags:

Instacart Review

April 1st, 2020 No comments

Joe and I have never used Instacart before, but decided to try it out since between my current health issues and his asthma we’re considered “at risk” (I realize we all are to varying degrees) with this whole Coronavirus debacle (or Covid-19 if you prefer).

The order was placed last week to be delivered this past Tuesday. I like how you can keep adding items to the order until it is fulfilled. Ours kept growing each day as we thought of other things we wanted/needed. We figured we might as well maximize the opportunity to stock up so we don’t have to shop as often.

One thing I didn’t realize until Monday night was that everything defaults to “replace with best match” in case something is out of stock, so I spent time going through each individual item, marking most of them as do not replace.

Over the weekend I read that Instacart workers were going to strike on Monday so we weren’t even sure if our order was going to be completed or not. However, around noon yesterday I got a notification that our order was being shopped (at Aldi, the store we chose since it carries the majority of items we needed).

I was strangely thrilled “watching” the shopper pick out our groceries live on the Instacart website. This qualifies as entertainment these days, I guess.

There were a couple of hiccups, as noted below:

1) The shopper put every canned item (plus some other stuff) in a single bag which made it very heavy. At least one can is dented. Everything was organized and grouped by type, however. Plus she made sure the bread and candy were on top and not crushed.

2) We ordered one cucumber and one zucchini. We got one cucumber and a bag of mini cucumbers. No zucchini. I’ve actually mistaken the two before when not paying attention, so it’s an understandable mistake. I just have no idea what I’m going to do with more cucumber than we need, though.

3) We ordered Aldi’s version of Cinnamon Life but it was out of stock. I marked regular Life as a suitable replacement, but the shopper suggested some type of cereal with berries in it. We didn’t want that, so I tried to just cancel the item altogether but the website wasn’t letting me. I messaged her and asked her to just skip it. She then sent me a picture of the cereal aisle stating she got what I wanted. I couldn’t make the photo on the website any larger to verify, but I took her word for it and said ok. What she actually gave us was Aldi’s version of Rice Chex. Not sure how she confused the items, but we can make due. Also, I learned the Instacart app will let you enlarge photos; now I know for next time (since looking at the photo closer I can tell the shelf didn’t have the cereal she said it did).

4) She wanted to replace a bag of frozen green beans with peas. I hate peas so I requested a refund instead, and since she was in store at the time, she just didn’t buy them. This illustrates my point about not liking the best match option. Had I not caught that I would be stuck with gross peas. I guess I just assumed she’d pick a different green bean, not a whole different vegetable.

5) The delivery window on the order said 2-3 pm but she dropped off our groceries just after 1 pm. Again, no big deal, just noting the difference.

6) I put in the delivery instructions to text me when dropping off the food (to maintain social distancing), but she knocked on the door twice. Turns out she was just doing it to let us know the food was there, but it made me think she was waiting to speak to us, so I ended up opening the door just as she was leaving. We just waved to one another so no big deal.

I pointed out some of the mistakes made (the dented can, no zucchini, and cereal replacement issue) on the website in order to help the shopper with future orders, but still gave her a high rating and tip as I wasn’t looking to punish her. I didn’t request any refunds and labeled my notes as merely helpful feedback. Hopefully she understands my intent when she reads the comments. I also thanked her for her service.

Overall we’re still pretty satisfied given the circumstances. We’d obviously prefer to do our own shopping to maintain control and save money since after Instacart’s markup, delivery fee, service fees, and tip, we paid $30 more than we would have otherwise. Right now it’s worth $30 to minimize our risk of getting sick, though. In normal circumstances, however, I wouldn’t bother with Instacart. It has it’s place, but for able-bodied frugal people such as ourselves, it’s normally not worth the markup.

Categories: Retail Experiences, Shopping Tags:

Dog Teeth

March 25th, 2020 No comments

Despite how I crappy feel, I’ve been trying to keep up on brushing Wookie’s teeth daily after her dental cleaning back in February. She hates it, and it doesn’t seem to be working well. There’s this one tooth in particular, located on the top back of her mouth on her right side, that is split and it’s already turning yellow again!

It’s really frustrating because I want to put off sending her for another cleaning as long as possible because of how she was after the procedure. She was so miserable and crying the rest of the day. The vet said it was normal but she didn’t do that after her first cleaning when she was still a puppy. I think the drugs they gave her were unnecessarily strong. It was bad enough having to drop her off in the morning only to have her sit in a cage for hours until it was her turn. She gets super anxious around strangers, be it people or dogs, which is why doggy daycare never worked out for her.

Categories: Pets Tags: ,

I want to die

January 29th, 2020 1 comment

Every day the tinnitus gets a little worse and I seriously don’t want to go on anymore. Ever since Joe and I got together we’ve worked hard to save our money so we could enjoy our retirement, and now I can’t see that ever happening. I’m so jealous of people who have properly functioning ears. People who don’t have pain all the time.

I can’t even figure out what’s really causing all these symptoms so how am I ever going to get better? It all seems so hopeless and I’ve never been so anxious and depressed in all my life. I keep praying for miracle or just SOME improvement, ANY improvement, to give me hope, but it has yet to come. If not for the body pain I would just sleep 24/7 to escape the hell I’m living in.

All my life I’ve feared dying. I didn’t realize there were worse things than death.

Categories: Health Tags:

No Improvement

January 23rd, 2020 Comments off

Caught a cold from E in December (I think it was him, since I don’t go out much and he was over for Christmas and seemed sick) which turned into bronchitis. Luckily it eventually went away on it’s own but I was still sick on my birthday so I removed it from Facebook; therefore I only got a few birthday wishes because if FB doesn’t remind people they completely overlook it. I’m guilty of the same thing so I wasn’t even sad about it. I feel too much like shit to even care about the holidays or my birthday. We didn’t celebrate it and I told everyone not to get me any presents because it’s irrelevant at this point. Without my health I am nothing.

The physical therapy doesn’t seem to be helping and we’ve tried exercises, massage, trigger point release, and dry needling. Trigger point injections at the pain clinic would help a bit, but it’s reached the point where I don’t even know what to have them inject, so I cancelled the appointment. Kinda regretting it now that the pain while sleeping has increased.

I saw a naturopath my PT suggested and she just put me on some new supplements. Only been taking them for a bit less than a week and haven’t seen any changes. Still horrible pains in my arms while sleeping that are creeping down into my upper back now. Also the head pain is coming back. I’m also getting twitching in my muscles, mostly calves at the moment. My feet often burn mostly at night and then for the first few hours I’m awake. The tinnitus is slowly getting louder, and my ear is once again fluttering in response to toilet noise (and this keyboard right now for some reason). WTF?!? Oh, and when I look at purely white things I see some traces of yellow/green color ever so subtly.

I’m starting to suspect I might have Lyme disease. I just realized the tests I got through Quest that I thought were western blots were actually ELISA as they only proceed with a blot if the ELISA indicates infection. F me! I might have to pay a bunch of money out of pocket to get testing through a more thorough lab that insurance doesn’t cover. I’ve been doing SO much research on this stuff and there’s so many conflicting theories and different treatment protocols that it makes me sick to my stomach to even think about it. Honestly, suicide sounds much easier. I know, such a defeatist attitude. But I can’t handle all this. It’s just too much. I haven’t felt well in over nine months and nothing has indicated to me that this will be getting better anytime soon. I feel my “best” at night and work on thinking positive thoughts and visualizing myself getting well but it isn’t helping, at least not yet. It’s so depressing.

I don’t feel like Joe and I are partners anymore. He’s my caretaker because I don’t have the energy to take care of myself. I am down to 100 lbs and I hate food because everything I eat is supposedly inflammatory so I’m limited to meats, fruits, and veggies, although I do eat rice just to keep my calories for the day over 1200. I hate my entire existence and long so deeply to go back to how I felt before, even with my little weird annoying health issues. At least they weren’t disabling like this! After all this time I’m still struggling to wrap my head around what’s happening to me. It’s like a waking nightmare.

I’m just so sad that at the age of 44 this is what my life is like. I can only hope SOMETHING eventually helps.

Categories: Health Tags: