Yesterday was the first day in a long time where I didn’t feel on edge with anxiety. It felt really good. I was so relaxed that on the drive home from my parents I was able to play my Tsum Tsum game on my phone without looking up (Joe was driving, obviously). Usually when we’re on the road late at night I’m constantly surveying the landscape trying to keep my eyes out for bad drivers who might cause an accident.
I have no idea why my anxiety temporarily took a vacation, but it was quite a strange feeling. I almost forgot what it feels like not to feel anxious. Isn’t that terrible? I had a lot going on that day too so it’s surprising I wasn’t more on edge. I prepared spaghetti and meatballs for dinner that evening as well as baked a batch of cupcakes, cleaned the rats’ cages, and made a salted caramel pecan cheesecake dip. I wanted to work out as well but after doing more dishes than I have in months my back was killing me. I took an ibuprofen before we left the house at 5:30 pm which really helped – I was pain free all night.
Both my cousins were able to make it to celebrate my mom’s birthday. J had ordered Domino’s pizza and my mom had other food which was a little surprising since I was under the impression we were in charge of all the food. As a result I made way more spaghetti than was needed so I left a bunch with my mom to freeze for J since he’s the one who requested it in the first place. We brought it in the crockpot so we could easily heat it and up and keep it warm, but I think that caused it to dry out a little so I might have to add more sauce to the leftovers we’ll be having for dinner tonight.
B had purchased a game called Pin the C*ck on the Jock complete with different sized penises. It was very funny especially some of the photos we got which I won’t be sharing here! B wanted me to text him one of the photos I took of him so I used that opportunity to point out I didn’t think his phone was working since he never replies to my texts. He claimed to not have received them and said AT&T’s coverage sucks. I never really had that experience with AT&T so I’m not entirely sure I believe him. I think he’s just too self-involved. I just wonder if I will ever just accept that we are never going to have the kind of relationship I want, you know, where he actually cares about what I’m up to and all that. I didn’t really even talk to him most of the evening although I couldn’t help asking him about his upcoming trip to Florida since it will be his first time visiting Disney World since he was very little. I just wish we could have had a real conversation about it but he gets so weird like he thinks you’re interrogating him when you’re just showing interest. Unless it’s a topic he wants to discuss and then he will talk your face off. Ugh, it’s so one-sided and yet I continue to hope it’s going to change. Why is it so hard for me to accept people for who they are and not what I wish they were?
Anyway, after my cousins left I brought out the Jellybelly Beanboozled (4th edition) game I had purchased awhile back at Target for $5.
At first it was B, J, and me, although Joe joined in when I needed a break from the disgusting flavors. Dead fish was the worst, although I think they should call it rotten fish since all fish you eat is dead and it’s not that bad. J would eat the entire bean but as soon as I bit into it if it was a terrible flavor I spit it out. I ended up giving the leftover jellybeans to B so he could play it with his g/f or prank someone with them. Ew, never again! It was pretty funny, though, so there’s the entertainment factor, but once is enough.
We also played Left Center Right and a few games of Uno before it was almost midnight and we needed to leave. We listened to Electric Playground on Q101 on the ride home and I fell asleep to it as well. I actually turned it on during our Uno games and both my brothers teased me for being into EDM and cracking druggie jokes. This coming from one guy who likes Skrillex and the other who likes Insane Clown Posse, so pffft.
