Category: Work

I’ve been doing what I can to make myself comfortable (i.e. warm) at work lately. The VP never got back to me regarding the space heater issue, but I did some research online and learned that it’s super easy to blow a fuse with a space heater because they typically use 1500 watts which equals about 12 amps and most outlets are either 15 or 20 amps. The outlets in our cubicles are daisy-chained and have several computers, monitors, etc. plugged into them, so the chances of the space heater blowing a fuse when someone’s cubicle printer kicks on are high. I don’t even want to chance it, so I ordered a heated carpeted mat that uses much less power and should work well if the reviews online are to be trusted. It should be delivered next week sometime. It cost me $100 but it will be well worth the cost if it keeps me comfortable this winter. It’s definitely cheaper than resigning!

In the meantime, I’ve been messing around with what clothes I wear and how I layer to see which combination works best. It’s been a bit difficult, however, because the office temperature isn’t the same every day. For instance, instead of layering nylons, cotton socks, and then my wool blend socks, I eliminated the cotton socks because I read one’s feet will get colder if there are too many tight layers not allowing air to circulate. So far that seems to be working better, but then again, it’s about two degrees warmer in the office lately so it’s hard to tell which is having a bigger effect. Also, I’ve been bringing my lava seat after microwaving the insert at home each morning. At lunch time it has lost most of its heat but it definitely helped keep my butt warm through the coldest part of the day since the office is always warmer in the afternoons.

I was freezing my butt off at work this week even though it was in the fifties outside. I think it’s due to the cold concrete floors, plus the fact that I noticed the thermostat is set to 71 in the mornings when last year it was on 73-74. In the afternoon it’s not nearly as bad as it’s set to 74. You’d be surprised at what a difference those three degrees make, at least for me. I know it seems ridiculous that I’d be so cold in what most people consider a comfortable temperature, but I guess I’m special.

I even bought these socks at Walmart but they didn’t help. I’m going to have to stick to wool socks which work better (but cost more, which is why I tried these $4 socks).

I was wearing a pair of nylons, regular socks, and the socks above, plus fuzzy winter boots and my feet were still ice cold! So were my legs with some thick fleece Cuddl Duds under my pants. Unfuckingbelieveable!

Thursday morning I pulled aside the VP and asked if he’d be willing to increase the thermostat and explained my dilemma and how it’s warmer in the afternoons. He reluctantly moved it up one degree (ugh, but better than nothing) and remarked I’d be better off getting a space heater. I almost lost it, because I asked about bringing in my space heater last year and HR told me no. Apparently they had trouble with them blowing fuses in the building or something. Mine is a fan heater, so I’m not sure if it would do that, but I calmly explained to the VP that I’d be happy to bring in my space heater but was told I couldn’t. He remarked that he thought some people in the office were using them and he’d look into it for me. At this point I plan on bringing mine in on Monday and asking if I can at least try it to see what happens. You don’t know how much easier this would make my life. When I get miserably cold I dread going into work and this week I was seriously contemplating quitting. After all, there’s only so many clothes I can wear. I know it’s not their fault I get so cold but if I could use a space heater I am pretty sure I’d be fine since I lasted 10 years at my last company. They kept their office temperature even colder but they let me use my heater so it was tolerable.

I am really sick of feeling so cold all the time, though, so much so that moving to Arizona doesn’t seem that bad anymore. Joe wold like to move there once his son is a bit older but I’ve been against it because I’m not that fond of the desert. It’s so brown there! But I’m also not loving being cold 6 months out of every year! I made an appointment to see my doctor on Monday to get a referral to see someone about it. I’m also planning on getting referrals to see someone about my depression/anxiety (since I can’t keep taking Xanax just to sleep and/or have a non-freaking-out day) and about my sleep issues (more often than not I don’t feel well rested in the mornings). So there you have it – I am an emotional and physical mess. What a shocker. ;)

I’ve been feeling really crappy lately and I don’t know if it’s the weather, hormones, my depression, or a combination of all three.

I feel like crap both physically and mentally. Wednesday night into Thursday morning I had the worst stomach ache and couldn’t sleep. I finally fell asleep at 2:30 am and only got three hours before the alarm went off. I dragged myself out of bed and went to work, but started feeling crappy again, so I did the most critical things and went home sick. Came home and felt guilty for bailing on work, losing money (since I’m hourly), and just had a bit of a nervous breakdown feeling like a loser and just crying my stupid eyes out. I’m so tired of feeling this way but I don’t know how to fix it.

About a month ago I asked Joe if I’m a bad wife. He was curious what made me say that, and it’s this – I no longer work full-time and really don’t want to ever again (at least not doing the kind of jobs I’ve done in the past). I used to make snarky comments about his ex-wife not working and I’m starting to feel like a hypocrite since we don’t have kids so there’s no reason for me NOT to be working more other than the fact that I can’t / don’t want to. My anxiety/depression is definitely worse when I’m working 40 hours a week or more, but being the self-critical person that I am, I have to wonder if I’m just being a pansy about it.

I’ve worked full-time since college and while I didn’t love it, I never used to feel so worn down mentally until my last job. My doctor seems to think that I’m still recovering from being burnt out at my decade-log job, but I know people who work longer hours and they don’t seem to be suffering the way I have, so is there something wrong with me? And more importantly, is it something I can fix, or is it just how I am? For instance, some days I have no energy at all. I’ve been taking magnesium, B6, and vitamin D daily for a few weeks now to help combat my balance issues and exercising at a bare minimum three times a week for 15 minutes on the elliptical machine. Yet I still feel run down more often than not. I feel like I’m broken and I’m worried we’re saving up for a retirement I’m not even going to be able to enjoy because my body is falling apart at the age of 38 (or I’m being dramatic; it could be a bit of both).

In any case, I have been feeling guilty about not making the kind of money I used to, as well as having more free time on my hands, particularly because Joe has been working more and more hours since it’s busy at his company right now. He assured me, however, that I’m not a bad wife and he hasn’t once felt resentful toward me for quitting my full-time job. He said he likes me being home and would be ok if I didn’t work at all (although the extra money from working part-time is nice, there’s no doubt, so I don’t plan on quitting unless my health makes a turn for the worse). He also pointed out that while yes, his ex didn’t work, she also didn’t do anything around the house whereas I take care of almost everything so he doesn’t have to. He was just so sweet about it that it brought tears to my eyes (but then again, what doesn’t make me cry lately?). Even after almost fourteen years together I’m still amazed that I found someone who loves and cares for me as much as he does. I truly am lucky and I know I would be so much worse off without him in my life. Even on the worst days he can make me smile.

I don’t think I would mind working more if I found the right career path. I just can’t for the life of me figure that out. I think about it a lot. Almost constantly. It’s driving me insane! It’s frustrating not knowing what one wants to do with their life. I never had a plan when I was younger and I still don’t have one. I truly truly envy people who say they love their job and mean it. I have no idea how that feels. I know it’s not working in an office doing the same tasks over and over, though. But I just can’t seem to wrap my head around where to go from here. So for now I’ll keep plugging away trying not to feel guilty for being (to me) lazier than I used to be. What other choice do I have?

…so put on all your clothes. And add some more. And still feel cold.

I forgot that even though I love fall I really hate the cooler weather. I run cold as it is. And even though it’s just barely below 70 degrees out, my office is freezing (and the air kept turning on just when I’d get a little comfortable). I’ll be breaking out my fuzzy winter boots and wearing them to work tomorrow since two pairs of socks with sneakers wasn’t cutting it today. I wish they would just let me use space heater. Even with layers on, my legs and feet get colder as the day goes on from the lack of movement. I’m just happy I only have to be there three days a week.

Speaking of, one more day and it’s my weekend! Friday I will be impatiently waiting for UPS to deliver my iPhone. I really hope they come early, but last time I ordered an iPhone it was delivered at 2 PM. I guess that’s better than when we first moved here and UPS would always deliver around 7 PM!