I fired my therapist yesterday. She didn’t do anything wrong; in fact she helped me with some very useful mental exercises to help keep negative thoughts at bay. Oh, and just for the record, despite what I’ve been told by different people over the years, I am not a negative person. My therapist explained that I grew up in a negative environment, but that I’m actually a positive person. So f-you to all those people who tried to make me feel like I had a personality flaw just because I was realistic about things. I’m actually an optimist even though I don’t necessarily run around acting all happy go lucky all the time (because to me that is just bizarre).
Our insurance is changing in March which means I might not be able to see her anyway, and even if I did, it would likely cost more per session than it does now. But the main thing is I don’t need to see her at all because I haven’t felt depressed in two months. I’m just not sure why. That’s the big mystery, and what scares me because I feel like I have no way to control how I feel.
Needless to say, I decided not to start taking the Lexapro after all. I was Googling info on it and some people felt sick for weeks when they first started taking it. And based on my experience the one day I did take it, that would totally be me! Plus it bugged me a little how many people had to go back on it when they tried to taper off. I don’t want to be stuck taking any medication long term if it isn’t absolutely necessary. That’s not to say I will never try it, but right now I’m not feeling crappy enough to want to deal with the side effects. Even my anxiety has lessened. I just wish I knew how to control all this.