The more I use the iPhone 6 camera, the more I hate it. It’s gotten to the point I’d rather go out and buy a new point and shoot camera than mess with it because I am so disappointed with the resulting photos. The only promising thing is that based on this article, plus comments I’ve been reading online, most of what bothers me would be fixed via a software upgrade. But will Apple do it, and if so, when? I’m just extremely annoyed that my 4S took nicer panorama photos than my brand new $400 phone. I love taking photos so this is no small thing.
Joe says a lot of things that make me laugh, but I thought I’d share this incident with everyone.
We’re driving down a two-lane road (one lane in each direction) and he’s messing with some food we had picked up for breakfast when I glance over and notice that he has no hands on the steering wheel. Of course, this made me very nervous, so I mention it and add, “what if you hit a rock and lose control?” to which he replies, “this isn’t Mario Kart, Nicole”. LMAO!
I’ve been feeling really crappy lately and I don’t know if it’s the weather, hormones, my depression, or a combination of all three.
I feel like crap both physically and mentally. Wednesday night into Thursday morning I had the worst stomach ache and couldn’t sleep. I finally fell asleep at 2:30 am and only got three hours before the alarm went off. I dragged myself out of bed and went to work, but started feeling crappy again, so I did the most critical things and went home sick. Came home and felt guilty for bailing on work, losing money (since I’m hourly), and just had a bit of a nervous breakdown feeling like a loser and just crying my stupid eyes out. I’m so tired of feeling this way but I don’t know how to fix it.
About a month ago I asked Joe if I’m a bad wife. He was curious what made me say that, and it’s this – I no longer work full-time and really don’t want to ever again (at least not doing the kind of jobs I’ve done in the past). I used to make snarky comments about his ex-wife not working and I’m starting to feel like a hypocrite since we don’t have kids so there’s no reason for me NOT to be working more other than the fact that I can’t / don’t want to. My anxiety/depression is definitely worse when I’m working 40 hours a week or more, but being the self-critical person that I am, I have to wonder if I’m just being a pansy about it.
I’ve worked full-time since college and while I didn’t love it, I never used to feel so worn down mentally until my last job. My doctor seems to think that I’m still recovering from being burnt out at my decade-log job, but I know people who work longer hours and they don’t seem to be suffering the way I have, so is there something wrong with me? And more importantly, is it something I can fix, or is it just how I am? For instance, some days I have no energy at all. I’ve been taking magnesium, B6, and vitamin D daily for a few weeks now to help combat my balance issues and exercising at a bare minimum three times a week for 15 minutes on the elliptical machine. Yet I still feel run down more often than not. I feel like I’m broken and I’m worried we’re saving up for a retirement I’m not even going to be able to enjoy because my body is falling apart at the age of 38 (or I’m being dramatic; it could be a bit of both).
In any case, I have been feeling guilty about not making the kind of money I used to, as well as having more free time on my hands, particularly because Joe has been working more and more hours since it’s busy at his company right now. He assured me, however, that I’m not a bad wife and he hasn’t once felt resentful toward me for quitting my full-time job. He said he likes me being home and would be ok if I didn’t work at all (although the extra money from working part-time is nice, there’s no doubt, so I don’t plan on quitting unless my health makes a turn for the worse). He also pointed out that while yes, his ex didn’t work, she also didn’t do anything around the house whereas I take care of almost everything so he doesn’t have to. He was just so sweet about it that it brought tears to my eyes (but then again, what doesn’t make me cry lately?). Even after almost fourteen years together I’m still amazed that I found someone who loves and cares for me as much as he does. I truly am lucky and I know I would be so much worse off without him in my life. Even on the worst days he can make me smile.
I don’t think I would mind working more if I found the right career path. I just can’t for the life of me figure that out. I think about it a lot. Almost constantly. It’s driving me insane! It’s frustrating not knowing what one wants to do with their life. I never had a plan when I was younger and I still don’t have one. I truly truly envy people who say they love their job and mean it. I have no idea how that feels. I know it’s not working in an office doing the same tasks over and over, though. But I just can’t seem to wrap my head around where to go from here. So for now I’ll keep plugging away trying not to feel guilty for being (to me) lazier than I used to be. What other choice do I have?
Saturday morning we headed to St. Charles to check out the scarecrow festival. We stopped at Walmart first where I ended up spending $60 on a pair of Cuddl Duds (cheapest place to get their stuff; everything was $10), two pairs of warm acrylic socks, and a heated throw to use at work since once it dips below 60 degrees my legs freeze in the office even wearing layers. Since the thermostat is always set to the same temperature I can only surmise it’s due to the cold ground since the office is just tile laid out on concrete.
Anyway, the scarecrows, as always, were super cute. Even though I didn’t go ga-ga over Frozen, I did like this one a lot.
We actually spent three hours at the festival mostly walking around checking out the craft booths and people-watching. They had a petting zoo set up which was cute. It even had a wallaby! We only spent $5 and that was on a bacon ranch mac and cheese puff of doom. It was yummy!
We debated going on a haunted hayride in the evening at the local pumpkin farm but it’s not as much fun when it’s just the two of us and the couple we invited couldn’t make it and my brother wasn’t interested. We ended up staying in and watching a movie instead.
Today we skipped going to Target since nothing on the grocery list was critical. I gave the rats their third mite treatment (at the request of my vet to make sure they are really gone) and cleaned out all the cages. I made enchilada chicken in the crockpot and turned them into tacos which we ate while watching the Bears game.
I’m not looking forward to tomorrow. I have my MRI at 9 am and then I’m getting a flu shot at my doctor’s office. Yay.
Work was cool about me taking a vacation day so I only worked Tuesday and Wednesday last week (getting to the point where only working two days would be awesome if I could pull it off). Wednesday night we drove down to my old hometown to attend the wake and then back again on Thursday morning for the mass and funeral.
Luckily my mom liked the flower arrangement I had chosen although she didn’t care for the “empty” spot without flowers in the arrangement. Hers was the only spay that was sent over so it was not only at the wake but also the funeral and graveside for the burial. My cousin insisted I take my arrangement home after the wake. This is what $63 buys you. I don’t care for the flowers with the pink/red spots on them (they weren’t in the photo of the arrangement I chose); they kind of ruin the look which should have been all white and blue. Also, the vase is different than what was pictured; it looks like a cheap one for $2 from Walmart.
Thursday we stopped at the local Burger King for breakfast since we got down there much quicker than we anticipated. It’s the only fast food chain for miles and was actually built when I was in high school. In fact, I was the first round of workers to have a job there but had to train at a different location so that once it opened I was ready to work. I ended up working there for about 3-4 years until I got pissed off at one of the shift managers and quit on the spot. But I was really good at my job while I was there and worked all the stations including front cash and drive thru. You could say I was the Burger Queen. ;)
Mass was weird. I grew up attending Sunday School and attending church weekly but I don’t practice anymore. I actually moved out of my parents’ house in my early twenties when my mom gave me an ultimatum to either continue going to church or leave. I chose the latter. It’s one thing to raise your kids with the religion you identify with, it’s another to try and force it on someone once they’re an adult. Ironically enough, neither one of my brothers go to church and they are still allowed to live there. And she claims there’s no favoritism. Suuuure…
I’m not even sure if I believe in God to be truthful. I don’t really call myself an atheist as I’m not 100% sure there is no God, but I’m finding it increasingly difficult to believe that he’d allow such terrible things to happen to people. Plus some of the nastiest people I’ve ever met are avid church-goers. It just seems fucked up that those people would represent Christianity. Needless to say, it was uncomfortable to sit through a mass.
The graveside funeral was sad. It made me tear up to see my cousins and mom crying. Ugh.
The “nice” thing to come out of all this is that I got to know my mom’s cousin better as well as make plans to go to dinner with my cousins who lost their father. We never hang out, but death reminds you that we aren’t long on this earth, and if you’re like me doubting the existence of God then there’s likely not an afterlife to look forward to either.
In other words, you better have some fun now before it’s all over because “this is your life, and it’s ending one minute at a time” – Fight Club